One of my spirit sisters posted this brave blog about wanting more in 2017, and it got me to thinking about what it is I want going into the new year. I’m still not used to being able to think about what I want, just for the sake of wanting it — I spent a decade in the trenches of adjunct poverty, and many years before that in a marriage with a partner who always spent right up to (and often beyond) the last dollar in our banking account. My own wants were typically the last to get satisfied, and even my basic needs — groceries, gas for my car, electricity, rent — were often unmet or barely met. Thinking about wanting more was unthinkable, when even wanting enough seemed like a pipe dream
But over the last year, as I’ve settled into a type of financial stability, and the lower stress lifestyle that came (still to my amazement sometimes) with it, I’ve begun to think more about what I want. One of the funny things about being able to purchase whatever I might want or need at a given moment, whether it be organic vegetables, tickets to a show, pretty things to do burlesque in, or a Goddess for my altar — is that my yearning for material things has definitely waned. Don’t get me wrong, I still like pretty things, I still own more books than I can reasonably keep organized, and I never met a sale on pretty clothes I didn’t like. But when I turn to thinking about what I really want, like really really want — what comes immediately to mind is not material things or even things that money can purchase. And often if it’s something money can buy, it’s an experience rather than a thing. This to me shows me that I’m finally moving past poverty thinking and the somewhat paradoxical tendency to hoard it awakens in so many of us.
What is it that I want, going into 2017 and going forward?
I want time and space to write
I want more travel, to places both new and familiar
I want more space — less clutter, fewer unnecessary things, more space to breathe
I want to create more
I want to teach more, and teach more different material, to new audiences and classes of students
I want more spiritual community
I want more, and I want less, and I want enough — and somehow none of that’s contradictory to me, at least not anymore.