Living from the Neck Up

For the last week, I feel like I’ve been living from the neck up. There is a tightness in my chest that prevents me from drawing a deep belly breath, a sandy tired feeling behind my eyes that usually comes with too many sleepless nights or too many hours at the computer. There is a dead weight in the center of my chest where my heart chakra should be, spinning and glowing emerald and rose. It’s like I can’t get fully into my body — like I am refusing to get fully into my body, because if I can avoid inhabiting my body I can avoid inhabiting this new reality, the one shot through with fear and uncertainty.

I’m living from the neck up because intellectualizing is what I do when the shit goes down, it’s what I have always done during dark times. If I can think my way out of something, come up with fact-based arguments and concrete plans, it keeps the terror from taking hold. I find myself consumed with organizing, with emails, with spreadsheets, with all these things I can control, because so much seems so out of control now.

I feel like if I allow myself to be fully present in my body, to feel all the sensations that arise from the vessel of blood and sinew and bone I call home, that I will start screaming and never be able to stop.



About dreamingpriestess

Susan Harper, Ph.D., aka The Dreaming Priestess, is an educator, activist, advocate, and ritual specialist living and working in the Dallas, Texas area.
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